hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
