why didn't you poke me back
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Soap is not a condiment
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
