dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
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its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
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This is my gift to your gina
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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