It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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