oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
