if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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