While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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