oh god the rape fog is back!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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