Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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