i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
They took my balls.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
