i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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