their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
