Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
