I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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