It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
