I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
