i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
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He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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