just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
