Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
