Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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