I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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