Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she looked like the before picture.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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