am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
