rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So much Jack, so little girl.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
