every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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