Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she told me i tasted like america
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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