didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
