i need an iv and a liver transplant
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
