when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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