so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
