My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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