the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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