So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
