I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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