Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
