So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
