soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
