i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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