Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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