Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize