I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
