Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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