i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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