Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
