I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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