i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Randomize
