fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
