Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
