OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
