So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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