I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
