omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
