I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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