hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So many bounce houses so little time
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
