you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
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Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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