it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
