WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
Sober January is a disaster.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now