It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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