So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.