this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
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The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.