dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
