I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Also, beer. Big fan.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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