sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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