We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
