that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Pants are for mortals
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