How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You took a bar mat shot.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
