Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
