FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
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she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
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Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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