I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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