Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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