your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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