i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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