I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
