C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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