Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
