Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
