Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
