He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
