i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
