Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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