I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
