I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
