Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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