my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize