i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Small penises have feelings too.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
