This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My bed is full of blood and feathers
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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