please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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