I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
