The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
