Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
BRING THE BAGELS
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
