i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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